Post by Rene Soul on Nov 27, 2006 15:55:05 GMT -5
THE 10 RULES FOR THE BUFFET LINE AT THANKSGIVING DINNER
1. If you are allergic to anything, get the ingredients before the
buffet table is set. Don't wait until you are in line and ask what
everything is on the dang table! You will get punched in the head for
that!
2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your ass down until
someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to
be independent. Nibble on them dang pecans and walnuts to hold you over.
3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, keep them in the basement
and bring their food down there. Tell them that they are not allowed
upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family
stories about their mommas and papas. If they bring their ass upstairs
for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break
a foot off in their ass!
4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We
do not care what you are thankful for at the buffet table.
Save
that talk for somebody who gives a dang. The time limit for the prayer
is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you
will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen
for approximately 20 minutes.
5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds!
If
you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy ass home
next year!
6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a
plate in my good Tupperware knowing dang well that I will never see it
again! If you touch my shizit, I will shoot you!! Hands down!
7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my
house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE
SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!
8. Don't not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house.
This is not a DAYCARE CENTER! There will be a kid-parent roll call every
ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call,
your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After
24 hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant ass!!
9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no
sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your
ass home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICK THE HELL OUT AT
11pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.
10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup
kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner!
You
will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the
appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will
be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy
ass family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD
are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING
1. If you are allergic to anything, get the ingredients before the
buffet table is set. Don't wait until you are in line and ask what
everything is on the dang table! You will get punched in the head for
that!
2. If you can't walk or are missing any limbs, sit your ass down until
someone makes your plate for you. Dinner time is not the time for you to
be independent. Nibble on them dang pecans and walnuts to hold you over.
3. If you have kids under the age of twelve, keep them in the basement
and bring their food down there. Tell them that they are not allowed
upstairs until it's time for Uncle Butchie to start telling family
stories about their mommas and papas. If they bring their ass upstairs
for any reason except for that they are bleeding to death, I will break
a foot off in their ass!
4. There is going to be one prayer for Thanksgiving dinner! JUST ONE! We
do not care what you are thankful for at the buffet table.
Save
that talk for somebody who gives a dang. The time limit for the prayer
is one minute. If you are still talking after that one minute is up, you
will feel something hard come across your lips and they will be swollen
for approximately 20 minutes.
5. Finish everything on your plate before you go up for seconds!
If
you don't, you will be cursed out and asked to stay your greedy ass home
next year!
6. BRING YOUR OWN TUPPERWARE!! Don't let me catch you fixing yourself a
plate in my good Tupperware knowing dang well that I will never see it
again! If you touch my shizit, I will shoot you!! Hands down!
7. What you came with is what you should leave with!! Do not leave my
house with anything that doesn't belong to you. EVERYBODY WILL BE
SUBJECTED TO A BODY SEARCH COMING AND GOING OUT OF MY DOMAIN!!!
8. Don't not leave your kids so you can go hopping from house to house.
This is not a DAYCARE CENTER! There will be a kid-parent roll call every
ten minutes. Any parent that is not present at the time of roll call,
your child will be put outside until you come and get him or her. After
24 hours, I will call DHS on your ignorant ass!!
9. BOOK YOUR HOTEL ROOM BEFORE YOU COME INTO TOWN!! There will be no
sleeping over at my house! You are to come and eat dinner and take your
ass home or to your hotel room. EVERYBODY GETS KICK THE HELL OUT AT
11pm. You will get a 15 minute warning bell ring.
10. Last but not least! ONE PLATE PER PERSON!! This is not a soup
kitchen. I am not trying to feed your family until Christmas dinner!
You
will be supervised when you fix your plate. Anything over the
appropriate amount will be charged to you before you leave. There will
be a cash register at the door. Thanks to Cousin Alfred and his greedy
ass family, we now have a credit card machine! So VISA and MASTERCARD
are now being accepted. NO FOOD STAMPS OR ACCESS CARDS YET!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING